Reshid Dervishi on
Ego, mistakes and the maturity of the person behind the business role.
A person changes while building a business, even when they believe they are only changing the company. New responsibilities affect how they decide, listen, and spend their time. Success can open possibilities, but also make it harder to recognise a mistake. Failure may teach us something, but it does not become a lesson by itself. We need to look honestly at what happened.
That is why self-examination with a practical purpose matters to me. Can I accept a better idea without needing to find something of my own in it? Can I admit a mistake without a lengthy explanation intended to preserve part of a victory? Can I listen to someone before preparing my answer? These are not questions we answer once. They return in a conversation, in a meeting, and in an ordinary working day.
The need to be right all the time often sends its bill later. We pay it through people who no longer speak honestly, relationships that have become guarded, and a team that already knows who will have the last word. A person with experience and authority has an additional responsibility here. Their confidence can help others, but it can also leave no room for something they have not yet seen.
The entrepreneur's personal development is more than learning new skills. It also means changing our relationship with control, boundaries, and our own worth. When a business matures, the owner may feel they are losing importance just when others begin working successfully without them. We need to distinguish a real company need from our need to prove every day that it cannot manage without us.
At the same time, working on ourselves should not become the endless correction of a person who is never good enough. There are moments when more discipline is not the only answer. Rest, gentleness, and the right to live before the next result are needed too. Some essays here have a broader life context, because an entrepreneur cannot be understood solely through their business role.
This topic connects ego, mistakes, patience, and maturity. It does not promise a perfect version of a person. It gives us room to examine what experience has brought, which habits no longer help, and what we want to preserve while changing. It matters to me that development does not mean losing touch with ourselves, but having a clearer relationship with our capacities, responsibilities, and the people with whom we share life and work.
Selected reading
I am not afraid of failure. I have been through times when I did not have enough, when people underestimated me, and when I worked in silence. The more dangerous test comes later, when I begin to succeed.
Personal standards and character when success begins to arrive.
Read essayFor a long time, I thought it was important to have a good argument. If you have facts, experience, and good reasons, it’s natural to want the other person to see that you’re right.
What we lose when winning a conversation matters most.
Read essayIf I could sit across from my younger self from twenty-odd years ago, I would be silent at first. I would not start with advice, because I know I probably would not have heard it then.
Experience, family, and health in a conversation with our younger self.
Read essayThe endless search for a better version of ourselves can turn life into a construction site and make us forget that we already deserve peace.
Working on ourselves while leaving room for peace and ordinary life.
Read essayThe need to be right can close off an honest conversation.
Expressing an Opinion with Care for the Conversation
Acknowledging a mistake gains meaning through what we change.
One Result Does Not Define Everything I Am
Experience needs examination, and development takes time.
We Cannot Buy Experience Through Someone Else's Confidence
A Habit Needs Support in the Schedule, Not Just Good Intentions
A Quick Conclusion Should Be Distinguished from a Tested Assessment
Working on ourselves needs to leave room for ordinary life too.
Building Trust Through Actions That Are Repeated
A New Conversation Can Begin Without the Need to Impress
A Few Reliable Relationships Can Be an Important Source of Support
A person can spend so long working on themselves that they forget that sometimes they simply need to live.
In preparation
Self-examination, boundaries, and our relationship with ourselves connect this topic with the manuscript Do Not Lose Yourself While Building a Life. Development here also includes what we want to preserve as we build and change a business.
Explore the booksI believe it is important to say clearly what we believe, especially when a decision concerns our work or relationships.
Read essayI am not equally productive every day, nor is every idea I have a good one. If I demand that I constantly uphold a particular image of success, an ordinary mistake can easily become much larger than it is.
Read essayA first impression can be pleasant, but it does not provide enough information about a relationship that is only beginning.
Read essayWhen we enter an unfamiliar line of work, other people's experience can help us avoid some mistakes.
Read essayWe want to do something regularly, yet every day it falls behind other responsibilities. Before immediately concluding that we lack discipline, it helps to examine the conditions in which we are trying to maintain the habit.
Read essayA familiar schedule can make a day easier, but it can also conceal a habit we are unhappy with.
Read essayMeeting someone unfamiliar can feel uncomfortable when we expect in advance that we must appear interesting and confident.
Read essayA large number of acquaintances tells us little about how much room we have for an honest conversation. Sometimes it matters more to know whom we can bring a dilemma to and receive an answer that is more than polite agreement.
Read essayWhile working on one task, we may already be thinking about several others. When we switch to a new one, part of our attention stays with an unfinished question, so every interruption again requires time to understand where we left off.
Read essaySomeone else's result can seem to have come from a special gift we cannot access.
Read essayThe first answer to a problem can seem convincing because it is familiar. We connect it with earlier experience and only later look for reasons to confirm what we have already decided.
Read essayWhen we immediately evaluate each new idea against all the limitations, the conversation can end before we understand what it is proposing.
Read essaySomeone else's schedule of life stages easily becomes the rule by which we judge ourselves. We are supposedly too late for something, or should already have completed something, and it's not even polite to talk about a new beginning.
Read essayNot all people who comment on our life are familiar with the obligations and dilemmas we carry.
Read essayA goal can seem unattainable when we describe it broadly: we want a better life, a successful job, or more peace.
Read essaySometimes we are helped by one person who seriously listens to what we are trying to do.
Read essayA good result can lead us to overestimate our judgment. A bad result can make us doubt even what we really know.
Read essayWe easily carry confidence from an area we know into one we do not understand well enough.
Read essayThe experience of older people can show us the consequences of decisions we are just considering.
Read essayA call to be realistic can help us see the cost and limitations of an idea. It can also be a way to dismiss a possibility before we've really considered it.
Read essayA difficult experience sometimes leads us to change our job, relationship or lifestyle. Later we can be satisfied with the decision without declaring the loss as something good or necessary.
Read essayTime can change what we need. A job, habit, or belief that once made sense may no longer fit the life we lead today.
Read essayThe problem is difficult enough even before we add to it the insistence that it should never have happened.
Read essayLearning can be easier with a person who recognizes a mistake that we do not see ourselves. They can show how they approaches the task, explain why, and give us feedback as we try.
Read essaySometimes we are stopped by a conclusion about what will happen before we have checked the possibility.
Read essaySome choices require us to give up part of what we want. Time, money and obligations are not unlimited, so we cannot always pursue two good opportunities at once.
Read essayIn an unpleasant conversation, we are often expected to give a quick answer. As if it is more important to maintain the rhythm of the discussion than to understand what was just said.
Read essayDevelopment does not always have to take the form of a big decision. Sometimes a conversation or a page we read makes us ask a different question about something we have been repeating for a long time.
Read essayFor a long time, I judged my life according to the notions of success that I grew up with.
Read essayWe can say for a long time that we like a certain job, and then later notice that it no longer interests us in the same way.
Read essaySerious preparation does not guarantee the desired result. This is hard to accept when we know how much we have invested.
Read essaySomeone else's path may be a useful example, but their circumstances are not ours. A decision about work, education or lifestyle does not become good just because it is common and acceptable to the people around us.
Read essayNot every negative review is helpful advice. Someone can point out a real omission, and someone can judge us according to prejudice or their own fear.
Read essayA person can admit a bad decision and still have the right to move on. The past should be understood, especially if others have suffered the consequences, but it does not have to be the only measure of everything we do in the future.
Read essaySometimes we claim that what we are not really satisfied with is enough. In business or in a relationship, it can be a way to postpone an unpleasant conversation and avoid the question of what we are really missing.
Read essayWaiting until we are fully prepared can delay learning experiences.
Read essayConstant comparison with others easily turns an ordinary day into an assessment of one's own shortcomings.
Read essayChange can be welcome and yet take time. A new job, a different relationship or everyday life after an important event brings obligations that have yet to be understood and habits that have yet to be adjusted.
Read essayThe desire to be appreciated by others can lead us to constantly emphasize successes and cover up insecurities.
Read essayA title, income and public recognition can be valuable and well-deserved. The problem arises when we evaluate our entire worth as a person through them, so any change in position begins to look like a loss of identity.
Read essayMessages about what to buy, think, or consider success come from many directions.
Read essayWe spend a lot of energy trying to change someone else's decision. We repeat the argument, ask for a better explanation, and wait for the other person to finally see what seems obvious to us.
Read essaySaying that we cannot do something can mean different things. Sometimes it reflects the lack of experience, sometimes about the fear of trying, and sometimes about the real limitation of time, health or opportunities.
Read essayWide availability of courses, books and professional content can facilitate learning. It can also keep us constantly collecting materials, without a clear reason why we need them right now.
Read essayI believe that it makes sense to invest effort in what is important to us. The decisions we repeat every day affect skills, relationships and work, even when the result is not immediately visible.
Read essaySometimes an event that we didn't pay much attention to makes us reconsider an important decision.
Read essayThe outcome does not always show how much attention and work was invested. A person can act responsibly, but the result still depends on circumstances that they could not change.
Read essayThe first attempt at a new skill may be clumsy, slow, or different from what we expected.
Read essayWe spend a lot of energy arguing with ourselves about what has already happened. We rewind the conversation, change our answers and imagine an outcome where everything was different.
Read essayA big goal can give direction, but it says little about what needs to be done this week.
Read essayThe word later can mean reasonable preparation, but also indefinite delay. If we keep repeating the same intention without new information and actions, it is useful to check what is really stopping us.
Read essayYears of experience can provide a good basis for judgment, but they do not guarantee that we have understood every new situation.
Read essayIf we don't know what we want to achieve, it's hard to judge what to give time to. Other people's expectations and new obligations then easily take the place that we intended to save for something important.
Read essayToday, we can see more clearly the consequences of a decision that we were not able to assess well before.
Read essayWhen we have been working towards the same goal for a long time, it can be difficult to notice the weakness of our own idea.
Read essayBefore a new attempt, fear often pronounces judgment before we have enough experience.
Read essayRemembering the steps of a procedure can help in a familiar situation. When conditions change, repetition alone may no longer give a good result, because we don't know what assumptions those steps are based on.
Read essayIf we are used to a mistake being met only with criticism, we can start to avoid attempts from which we would learn something.
Read essayPraise can be pleasant and criticism unpleasant. However, neither, on its own, tells us enough about our work or about the intention of the one who utters it.
Read essaySkill is developed through work, but it is not enough just to repeat the same procedure. We can practice for a long time and reinforce a mistake that we did not notice.
Read essayWe can listen to the whole sentence, and already at the beginning of it we have decided what we will answer.
Read essayReturning to the same problem can act as evidence that we have not progressed. However, it is more useful to look at what is repeated this time, and what we understand differently today.
Read essayAn accomplished goal does not remove all difficulties. A new job, a better income or a solved problem can bring relief, but everyday life still remains messy and demanding.
Read essayWe easily notice information that confirms what we already think. For information that contradicts us, we often quickly find a reason to reject it.
Read essayWe easily accept the goal while talking about the result. It is more difficult to decide how much time, learning and changing habits we can dedicate to it in our daily life.
Read essayA boundary is useful when we know what we are protecting with it. It could be time to rest, the way we want to be spoken to, or a commitment we're not ready to take on.
Read essayWhen we see a better choice today, we easily judge the person we were when we could not see it.
Read essayBetween a dream and reality can stand failures, exhaustion, and the memory of earlier setbacks. Belief may help us try again, but it does not replace knowledge or a clearer plan for the next attempt.
Read essaySometimes we know what decision we want to make, but we keep putting it off. We wait for more certainty, a better moment, or confirmation that we won’t make a mistake. This is not the same as a genuine lack of choice.
Read essaySometimes we put off change because our current relationship or job still seems tolerable enough. It’s not at rock bottom. It’s not even where we want it to be. But it’s comfortable enough to postpone decisions.
Read essayThe pace of the internet draws us away from effort, patience, and process. A quick result is not the same as the knowledge needed to sustain it. Work still needs to be checked against its results.
Read essayWork is sometimes chaotic, relationships are complicated, and expectations exceed what we can actually accomplish. Part of the pressure stems from these real-life circumstances.
Read essayThere have been periods in my life when I’ve faced serious choices in my personal growth. I’d find myself at a crossroads, wondering what was best for me. This or that? What if I make a mistake?
Read essaySometimes it becomes more important to me how the result will look to others than what it will change in my life. Then success is no longer just the work I want to do, but a confirmation of the image I’ve created of myself.
Read essayPreserving our self-image is not the same as solving a problem. In an argument, the two can become confused. We can examine a reaction before allowing it to shape a decision.
Read essayWhen you begin to succeed, other people’s view of you may change too. Some will support you and some will criticize. It matters to distinguish a useful objection from an attempt to belittle your work.
Read essayWe face challenges we are not prepared for. Some follow our own choices; others do not. How we respond matters, but a poor outcome is not proof that we approached the problem wrongly.
Read essayModesty is often treated as weakness in a world of loud successes and titles. I find it harder to tell actual work from its presentation. What remains once the polished image is stripped away?
Read essayKnowledge can make us confident in an answer. Wisdom leaves room to ask a question and recognize what we still do not understand. That pause matters before we rush to show how much we know.
Read essayAt the start of the journey, it often seems that some people are moving slowly. Their results aren’t spectacular. Their progress isn’t dramatic. Their journey doesn’t look impressive.
Read essayThere is a paradox that often occurs among highly intelligent people. Their greatest strength sometimes becomes their greatest weakness. Intelligence can open many doors. But the ego can close even more.
Read essayThe more I write publicly, the more feedback I receive. Some comments are helpful, some are unpleasant, and some are pure dismissal. Lumping them all together is a mistake.
Read essayBeing human today isn’t easy. Not because we lack opportunities. But because we have too many choices. Sometimes you have to choose between what you truly think and what will be more readily accepted. You can be yourself.
Read essayHow can we advise others when we do not always understand ourselves? We can share what helped us, acknowledge its limits, and leave room for the other person’s circumstances.
Read essaySuccess is not an event. It is a habit. The same applies to failure. Some problems develop over time through small oversights. Failure is a process. You skip one call. You ignore one problem. You postpone one decision.
Read essaySome mistakes cost us time, relationships, or peace of mind. A costly lesson is valuable when it changes how we act next time, rather than leaving us exactly the same.
Read essayJust because you once loved something doesn’t mean you’ve signed a lifetime contract with it. You can change your mind. Changing your mind isn’t in itself a reason to consider yourself unreliable.
Read essayWe try to live peacefully, follow our principles, and avoid harming others. The harder test comes when decency seems to put us at a disadvantage.
Read essayFear can intensify stress. Work, family, bills, obligations, and relationships can create real pressure. Fear of what might happen can further intensify it. Fear that you won’t succeed. Fear that you won’t be loved.
Read essayToday, the problem is no longer that people don’t know what’s right. The problem is that many have forgotten why they set out on that path in the first place.
Read essayHow often should a person take stock of themselves? Much more often than they think. Life’s greatest catastrophes rarely happen overnight. You don’t wake up one morning and suddenly realize you’ve lost yourself.
Read essayMany people want to be successful and have their work recognized. Even those who claim to have no great ambition secretly wish, deep down, to be respected, noticed, and valued. But there is one truth we often overlook.
Read essayExperience can become a collection of past failures that we cite as proof that we are right. Years alone do not tell us whether we have learned to make better decisions.
Read essayIf you must draw a line, do not draw it where it will be convenient for others. Draw it where you will preserve your dignity.
Read essayThe phrase “I was wrong” can be hard to say, even when we see how much defending a mistake costs us. We fear that admitting it will make us seem smaller.
Read essaySome things are part of our life’s baggage, but that doesn’t mean we’re obligated to carry them to the end. It’s worth recognizing what still serves us and what merely takes us back to conversations that have already ended.
Read essayAt times I was amazed by my incredible ability to turn a bad situation into an even worse one. Quite masterfully.
Read essayA discussion of an idea can easily veer off course. Instead of asking what is good or bad about the proposal, we start talking about what kind of person put it forward.
Read essayIn the film “S1m0ne,” a director played by Al Pacino creates a digital actress. The audience accepts her as a real person, and her success becomes a problem he can no longer easily control.
Read essayThe beginning of learning can be uncomfortable precisely because it’s visible. You want to do a good job, but you don’t have a routine yet.
Read essayA mistake at work demands more than an apology. We need to understand what happened and what we’ll change so it doesn’t happen again.
Read essayWe need a position to act on, but it must be open to scrutiny. When an idea does not withstand testing, it is worth examining what happened and what needs to change.
Read essaySome decisions are easier to explain logically than to acknowledge the feelings that prompted them.
Read essaySometimes you simply made a mistake. You didn’t know enough, you trusted the wrong people, you rushed, or you were too late. But sometimes you did almost everything right, and yet it still wasn’t enough.
Read essaySometimes people don’t reject your idea because it’s bad. They reject it because, if they admit it’s good, they’d have to admit they’ve been thinking wrongly for years.
Read essayA quiet change has passed almost unnoticed: we readily take positions on subjects we do not understand, while finding it harder to say, “I do not know enough.”
Read essayPeople often praise those who endure for a long time—those who remain silent, endure, wait, and do not give up. They are viewed as serious, loyal, and strong people.
Read essayI am not the best example of everything I have written about. I have not always lived in accordance with the words I have written.
Read essayLately, over coffee with myself, I often think about what I am actually doing and what all of this is for.
Read essayThere were decisions I was sure were right. They weren’t. There were people I trusted more than I should have, and others I didn’t trust enough. There were moments when I stayed too long where I should have left, but also times when I left too soon.
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