The offer you’ve been waiting for has finally arrived. The terms are better, the position is more prestigious, and the company is well-known. As you read the contract, you’re already imagining how you’ll tell certain people where you’re working now. It’s a pleasant moment. After many attempts, you’ve received confirmation that someone recognizes your value and is willing to pay for it.
The contract lists the salary, responsibilities, and start date. Much of what you expect from this job won’t be found on a single page.
You hope you’ll finally stop doubting yourself. That your efforts will be recognized without constant explanation. That you’ll work with people who already understand why the work matters. You may even hope that, once they hear about your new role, some will see everything you’ve done before in a different light.
You haven’t promised this to anyone out loud. Still, you’re already imagining the relief.
During the first few months, a lot of it really feels good. You’re getting to know people, gathering information, and sensing that things have shifted. You even take the unpleasantries in stride more easily. You’re still new; you have to understand the circumstances. For some things, you come up with an explanation before you’re entirely sure there is one.
Then enough time passes for you to learn the daily routine. The good conditions remain, but the familiar conversations start to resurface. Someone’s contribution is overlooked. An important decision is postponed. The people you expected to collaborate with start looking out for their own interests. One morning, you realize you’re getting ready for work with a feeling you thought you’d left behind at your previous job.
It’s easy to conclude then that you’ve made a mistake again.
Before jumping to that conclusion, it’s worth sorting out a few things. What did the employer actually promise? What was presented to you dishonestly? And what did you begin to expect once you saw this job as a way out of your previous dissatisfaction?
If the agreed-upon terms have been violated, this must be clearly stated. Late pay, humiliation, and failure to honor commitments do not become acceptable simply because we may have had high expectations. Yet there are also situations where the agreement is generally fulfilled, yet we feel a sense of disappointment that we can’t quite explain.
Perhaps we expected a new role to resolve our long-standing issues with ourselves.
For years, we believed things would be easier once we reached a certain point—once we had enough responsibility, a better salary, or the chance to show what we’re capable of. But when that happens, doubt sparks a new question. Have we lived up to the trust placed in us? How long will we stay? What if others know more? The validation we craved felt permanent as long as it stayed out of reach. Once we get it, we see how quickly we start seeking it again.
Then we start demanding more and more from our work. A good result is short-lived, so we need the next one. We accept praise, but we’re already thinking about who didn’t offer it. If someone leaves us out of a conversation, we take it as a verdict on our importance. The workday turns into a string of chances to prove our worth.
The process is exhausting, even in a perfectly decent workplace.
That’s why, before making any changes, I’d try to finish this sentence: “I believe that once I get this job, I’ll finally feel…” Whatever comes next deserves our attention. More secure? More important? Accepted? Good enough? Certain working conditions can help with that. It’s worth checking, however, to what extent we’ve tied the very possibility of such a feeling to the decisions of people who haven’t even met us yet.
A job can bring knowledge, a decent income, good coworkers, and satisfaction with what we do. These are all serious reasons to want it. It becomes harder when we expect every morning to confirm that we’ve finally become someone who deserves respect.
Perhaps clearer expectations would help us make better choices. We would ask more specific questions, listen more carefully to the answers, and draw fewer conclusions from a pleasant conversation. Then we could tell the difference between a real problem at work and the disappointment that, despite the change, we still haven’t felt within ourselves the way we imagined we would.
Before you expect your next job to restore your self-confidence, check how much of it you’ve already given away.
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