For years, I considered endurance one of the more important human qualities. You can keep going a little longer. One more problem, one more project, one more obligation, one more difficult year. A person really can do much more than they initially think.
But there is a question I asked myself much less often: at what cost?
We are used to measuring what we have finished, made or achieved. We are far less likely to measure what it has cost us. Time, peace of mind, health, relationships and the ability to be present in our own lives are hard to enter on any balance sheet, so we rarely account for them.
The difficult part is that the bill usually does not arrive right away. While the work is going on, a person keeps functioning. They solve problems, answer calls, make decisions and keep things under control. Only later do they notice how long it has been since they felt at peace, and how many abnormal things they have come to see as normal simply because they went on for so long.
I used to associate strength mainly with the ability to endure. Today, I think part of strength is recognizing what no longer makes sense to endure.
Not every struggle is worth the energy we give it. Not every problem is ours to solve. And not every responsibility we can carry is one we should accept.
Perhaps a person does not mature when they prove to themselves that they can do everything. Perhaps they mature when they finally realize they do not have to.
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